something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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