I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
