I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
