i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
