That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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