I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
