The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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