I want to have your abortion
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
