Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
