Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
