tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
