Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she peed on how many people?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
