Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
