my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
