I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
