I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
