And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
where are my eyebrows?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
