can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
