They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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