i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i now understand why vodka
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
