You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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