last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
