Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
