If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
