He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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