Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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