From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
