We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
