we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have demons in me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
