He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
