Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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