It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize