I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
