allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A+ Viking dick
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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