and you said cock pushups were impossible
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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