You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
