good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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