I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
