Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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