i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
