So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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