woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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