As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
