grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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