1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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