there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
