Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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