Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Michael Bay diarrhea
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
