This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
