haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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