there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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