so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
