even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
