Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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