don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
