I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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