It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
