I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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