Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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