They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
