i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
