I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Less talking, more tequila
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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