if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
