My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
