I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
