If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
That's how pantless uber rides happen
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
