I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
