You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
