She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize